Our
Site:
The
worst and best of the break up - take our poll!
Break Up Articles
Our
Break Up Community
Breakups
My
Breakup Space
My Breakup Blog
My Big Breakup
Breakups Magazine
Gay/Lesbian Advice
Date a Millionaire
Get Your Boyfriend Back
Win Your Girl Back
Cunnilingus
Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!
Why
Men Leave
Win
An Ex Back eBooks
why women
cheat
stop his commitmentphobia
perfect
love letters
FOR
THE WOMEN WE HAVE THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike the plan to win back their
heart, or win over the heart, shouldn't be the same
either!
How
sad would be November if we had no knowledge of the spring! ~~Edwin Way
Teale
"If
you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing
itself but to your own estimate of it;
and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
--Marcus
Aurelius
"You cannot step twice into the same river;
for other waters are always flowing on to you."
~~Heraclitus
|
Breaking
Up and Relationship Breakup Advice
Articles
Breakups & Relationship Articles
- Enjoy these articles, all intended to help you get over a breakup and feel
better today!
Getting Dumped
Hurts!
by Tigress Luv , the Breakup
Guru
The bad thing
about getting dumped or abandoned is it costs us our self-esteem. We feel
a full tidal wave of rejection bring us to our knees, sucking the wind out
of our sails. We form an inner-hate and get caught in a self-destructive
mode. We create within ourselves intense feelings of rejection, isolation,
and a profound loss of love, acceptance, and control.
When we are dumped it creates a grief
that is far more intense than the loss of love through death. With death
the person who has died has not consciously elected to withdraw their love
for you. You get a sense of closure and finalization. Death has no possibilities
of changing its mind! But when we are dumped the person has made the decision
to withdraw from you and desert you. They have rejected you, turned their
back to you, and, often times, moved on to someone else. Getting 'dumped'
hurts like hell. It sucker-punches the very air out of us and leaves us feeling
alone, lost, and hopeless. We lose our very selfs when the person we love
makes the conscious decision to leave us.
The grief of being abandoned can quickly
progress to extreme sadness, self doubt, insecurity, and fear. Abandonment
drains our self-esteem. It can lead to depression, addictions, compulsions,
and uncontrollable anxiety or panic attacks. In extreme cases, some are left
with suicidal thoughts. If left unresolved, abandonment can interfere with
- or even prevent - any healthy future relationships. Once in this cycle,
we will often find ourselves abandoned over and over again, as we become
either blocked from fully connecting to others, or struggle with
extreme-attachment for fear of being abandoned again. We may accept abuse
and infidelity, just to avoid feelings of abandonment. Sometimes we remain
in a panic-like state of obsessiveness and hyper-vigilance towards our abandoner,
or inner focused on our own pain and hurt. We often carry with us feelings
of being deserted, needy, and demoralized. Eventually, our lack of self-control
makes us feel like a victim within our own creation, causing self hatred,
harm, or injury.
Curing the grief that surrounds you is
to find happiness within you. Sounds impossible, but it isn't. It is not
only very possible, it has been there all along. If it weren't you would
have curled up in a ball at the foot of the one who left you, and died. And,
yes, you might have felt that way, but did you do it? No! Because
you still know, buried deep inside of you, that your ex was not the be-all
to your life. And how do I know that? Because you are here, reading this,
looking for answers to your pain. Searching for help to mend your abandoned
self! You have the courage and the desire to 'continue on'. You believe
in you, you have faith in life, and you are aware of your capacity to love
again. A new and better life is not only possible, not only
probable, but a plain and simple fact.
But right now, you just hurt.
And you hurt bad. And you want to know why.
Well...look at it this way. You loved
someone. You loved them very much. And they abandoned you. You thought the
world of them and they crushed your heart and stole your dreams. Wow - so
much power they have...to be able to inflict such heavy and massive
destruction to your well-being. And with this 'imposed' power they
become almost 'God-like' to you. You subconsciously fear this power,
and by fearing it, the object of your power - your ex - actually becomes
almost like an obsession to you. You think about them all the time, You dream
of them. They're the first thought in your head when you wake and the last
when you go to sleep. And this constant dwelling confuses you. You actually
come to believe that you love them and need them far more than you actually
do.
And, what about the one who abandoned
you?
Here are some facts to
ponder:
Some abandoners often times feel powerful
in the fact that they can and have inflicted so much emotional pain on someone.
They feel almighty in the knowledge that they have, alone, created such extensive
devastation. They might even feel a heightened sense of self-importance.
Sadly, their ego may be exaggerated as they witness either the begging and
pleas, or the hopeless, lost agony coming from you. (See
'How To Stop Your Breakup - A Guide For
The Rest Of Us')
Often abandoners will not openly admit
to these feelings of triumph. Hiding these emotions, they will more often
than not, tend to relay feeling of guilt or regret, either for causing the
other person pain, or simply because they are 'sorry that the relationship
didn't work out'.
However, for many abandoners the guilt
is very real. To diminish their own guilt, and justify their decision to
end the relationship, they will, often point the finger away from them, blaming
the other person (you) for the breakup, or for the problems in the relationship.
They will attempt to save their own face at all costs. Even the cost of you.
They often come off as callous, heartless, or cruel to the ones they left
behind. Many 'dumpees' have come up to me and asked, "How can they just move
on so easily, and not hurt like I do? How can someone who claimed they loved
me just two weeks ago, this week announce to the world that I am a neurotic
bitch?"
Let me point out that many who make the
choice to leave and end a relationship do not set out directly to cause hurt
and pain. Their main goal is to find happiness and personal fulfillment,
not to directly cause hurt to someone they care about.
by Tigress Luv , the Breakup
Guru
For help healing the pain of abandonment, click
here!
Return to
Breakup Articles
|
To
Love Yourself!
"IT IS REWARDING
to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening
to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is
indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover
people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital
to believe yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot live in someone
else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You cannot be given a life
by someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the
only one you will never leave or lose. To the question of your life, you
are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only
solution."
~JO COUDERT , American writer
|
