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Teale
"If
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itself but to your own estimate of it;
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for other waters are always flowing on to you."
~~Heraclitus
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Breaking
Up and Relationship Breakup Advice
Articles
Breakups & Relationship Articles
- Enjoy these articles, all intended to help you get over a breakup and feel
better today!
Relationships and Growth
Most people
have a fantasy about relationships. It goes something like
this:
One day they will meet their ideal partner.
This person will understand them completely and will easily connect with
them. There will be no arguments. Everything will be perfect. Magic will
happen and will continue forever.
The reality of relationships is quite
different. An intimate relationship is one of the most powerful opportunities
for personal growth. And growth -- even for the most transformed person --
often brings pain. But it also brings incredible joy. Relationships are akin
to life - sometimes sublime and sometimes challenging. As with life, the
amount of satisfaction you derive depends on how much you are willing to
move outside of your comfort zone.
Sometime between three and twelve months
into a relationship, a couple enters a period of struggle. During this time,
the couple begins having disagreements and one or both partners blame the
difficulties on the other. This period lasts approximately one year, depending
on the individuals. In my coaching practice I have seen this happen to every
couple, without exception.
The couple is actually establishing the
rules of conduct for the relationship. Each partner, having grown up in a
different family culture, has different conduct rules. Since these rules
are subconscious, neither is aware they are enforcing their own standards.
For example, a woman may have been raised in a family where feelings were
not expressed and communicating her feelings was scorned. Her partner was
raised in a family with excessive emotional closeness and sharing. While
she may not expect any emotional expression and sharing in the relationship,
her partner does.
The couple's task during this period
is to create a shared set of rules that are independent of their respective
family dynamics. Each one must look inside and discover what they want from
this relationship. This requires a strong commitment to the relationship
and detachment from family patterns.
Without realizing it, most people are
deeply loyal to their family patterns and beliefs. Each partner will believe
that his approach is the correct one. If and when the other partner does
not comply, he will be made wrong and attempts will be made to force
compliance.
This period in the relationship is
frustrating and painful. This is the point where most relationships end.
The key ingredient to the survival of the relationship is the willingness
of each partner to grow. Both must be willing to rework their rules of conduct
and meet in the middle. If one partner becomes unwilling to grow and change,
the relationship is functionally over. A vital, dynamic, loving partnership
cannot exist when one partner exerts his will over the other. The relationship
will eventually end with both people deeply wounded.
Relationships are not the way they are
portrayed in fairy tales. The beauty of relationships is that they are an
opportunity for each partner to transform. Growth will be painful at times
because it will require each partner to go beyond what they know about
relationships. If you are unwilling to look within yourself and move outside
your comfort zone, then stay single and date casually. If you are willing
to grow, you will reap the benefits of a dynamic, loving
partnership.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries /
www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. This article
was originally published by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter,
one of many relationship resources found at
www.WhatItTakes.com. Other highlights
include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship coaching and classes.
Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!
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To
Love Yourself!
"IT IS REWARDING
to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening
to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is
indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover
people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital
to believe yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot live in someone
else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You cannot be given a life
by someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the
only one you will never leave or lose. To the question of your life, you
are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only
solution."
~JO COUDERT , American writer
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