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Breaking
Up and Relationship Breakup Advice
Articles
Breakups & Relationship Articles
- Enjoy these articles, all intended to help you get over a breakup and feel
better today!
Being
Single
By Gary Caine
Before I start, I should state that I
have absolutely no qualifications to give advice. What I'm writing is just
my own personal feelings. I did get some of these ideas from books, and articles,
but I'm only repeating what I feel is true.
You'll notice that I usually say we,
instead of you. That's because I'm writing to me, as much as I am to you.
I hope my writing skills will improve as I keep trying, and it wouldn't come
out as a bunch of drivel. Anyway, I'm trying to be honest about what I feel,
if it comes out wrong, just remember I'm not a writer.
Most of us, including me, would like
to enter into another (or first) meaningful relationship. The key word here
is meaningful. We need to be comfortable with who we are, and with being
alone, before we go searching for a partner in life.
Before we start a meaningful relationship,
we have to learn to like ourselves. Until we can do that, we wouldn't be
able to love someone else. If we want real love, then we need to have enough
self confidence, and self respect to unconditionally accept the other person
for who they are. That doesn't mean we have to be conceited, just that we
respect, and trust ourselves, while accepting the fact that we aren't perfect.
A side benefit to this is that we will be more relaxed, and comfortable around
other people, and so are more likely to attract members of the opposite
sex.
Being alone is not necessary a bad thing.
The general consensus seems to be that if we are alone, we must be lonely,
but the two are not the same thing. If you are divorced, separated, or have
ended a good relationship, then think back, weren't there times that you
wished you where single, because the relationship was preventing you from
doing some of the things you want to do. Now's your chance to do them. Whatever
it is that you felt your relationship was stopping you from doing, you are
free to do now. There's nothing stopping you. Sure, you may have financial
obligations, and maybe children to consider, but the point is, while we are
single we might as well take advantage of it, and learn to be comfortable
with it.
If we can be comfortable with being alone,
and with who we are, the next section will probably take care of itself,
but I'll touch on it anyway. We have to be careful not to search too desperately
for love, but instead we should just be open to it. Don't fall in love with
being in love! Let's enjoy being single. We can go on dates, make new friends,
and just go out, and have a good time, without expecting everyone we meet
to fall in love with us, or even want to date us. Accept people for who they
are, and just enjoy their company. Eventually we'll meet that someone
special.
It's especially tempting after a breakup
to go out and find someone else to love. That's like getting a new puppy
to replace the one that got ran over by a truck. Don't do it! If friendship
develops into something more, that's great, but be careful not to use someone
to fill the emptiness you might feel now. That type of relationship is almost
guaranteed to fail. It may seem like I'm saying that we should avoid
relationships altogether. That's not the case, what I'm trying to say is
that, we need to be content with ourselves so that we avoid getting into
a relationship that's based on something other than love.
OK, now that we've accomplished that,
how do we go about finding the perfect match? Where can we find this person?
The usual advice seems to be at malls, libraries, bars, and any other place
that has a lot of people. Unfortunately even if our perfect match is at these
places when we are, odds are against us meeting them. Instead take dance
classes, join a club, take a course, or just about anything that you might
be interested in, as long as it includes other people. Put yourself in a
situation that's going to enable you to meet people with similar interests,
and at the very least you'll make some new friends. Don't do these things
with the sole intention of finding someone to fall in love with, instead
use it as an opportunity to have some fun, and make new
friends.
The other option is the personals. I'm
not going to repeat too much of what's written everywhere else, other than
to make a few comments. Newspapers are expensive, but according to a friend
of mine that tried one, they work pretty well. There's the type of personals
that I've seen in the papers that cost nothing to enter an ad, but you have
to call a 900 number to reply to an ad. That would be fine, except (at least
the one I tried) kept you on line way too long, so again it gets expensive.
The news groups would be OK, but most of them are so full of ads for porn,
that they aren't worth looking at. Soc.personals looks like it might be OK.
I haven't tried using a newsgroup, so I can't say how effective they are.
How about the web based personals? Some are good, but I don't like the ones
that want you to sign up, just to browse.
I'll just say this about placing an ad,
or answering one. Be honest, there's no use meeting someone on some pretense.
Also exchange pictures early in the exchange. I say this because it's hard
not to put a face on someone that you've been exchanging mail with, and if
you wait too long to exchange pictures, you wouldn't be able to connect the
person you've been writing to with the person you actually meet. For more
information on the web based personals see Using the Internet Personals
http://www.angelfire.com/sk/singlescafe/freePersonals.html
In case you are wondering, I have tried
the web based personals, both by placing an ad, and by responding to ads,
and I have made some friends. That alone makes them worth trying. What this
whole article boils down to is if you can learn to relax, enjoy life, and
be open to new relationships you will dramatically increase your chances
of finding someone special.
Gary Caine -
gcaine@singlescafe.net
Copyright 1999
Gary Caine is proprietor The Singles Cafe - Put some adventure into your
love life!
Visit The Singles Cafe at
http://www.singlescafe.net/
To subscribe to the free Singles Cafe Newsletter:
email
singlescafe-subscribe@listbot.com
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To
Love Yourself!
"IT IS REWARDING
to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening
to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is
indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover
people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital
to believe yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot live in someone
else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You cannot be given a life
by someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the
only one you will never leave or lose. To the question of your life, you
are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only
solution."
~JO COUDERT , American writer
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